James Comey sells seashells by the seashore
Former FBI director James Comey got into hot water recently for posting a photo of seashells on social media that formed the words “expunge the current office holder of the presidency of the United States.”
Comey laughed it off as just having a little fun while walking on the beach with his wife and private security detail. Nevertheless, the event did warrant an interview with Comey conducted by a few FBI agents.
FBI Agent Wink McKracken: Is your name James Comey?
James Comey: Yes, yes, it is.
FBI Agent Stedly Foote: That’s with an e…y, correct?
Comey: That’s correct.
McKracken: And what is your occupation?
Comey: I’m an aspiring fiction writer.
McKracken: So, you make stuff up.
Comey: Precisely.
Foote: And what was your previous occupation?
Comey: I was the Director of the FBI.
Foote: And what did you do in that job?
Comey: Mostly, I conspired against the person who is the current president.
McKracken: So, you’d make stuff up.
Comey: Precisely.
Foote: So, uh, what’s with the seashells? I mean, the seashells could have spelled out anything, yet they appear to be a threat against the current president. Why would you do that?
Comey: It wasn’t me. I just found it like that and thought I’d take a picture because it was kind of funny. You know, I can be a real fun guy. I don’t think you guys were around then, but I was a load of fun at the Christmas parties.
McKracken: I’m sure. But did you really find the seashells like that, or maybe, you did some of the arranging yourself?
Comey: Okay, look, I’m going to come clean. My wife and I…
McKracken: And your security detail.
Comey: Yes, and my security detail. We were walking along the beach and saw these seashells that spelled out “Kilroy was here”. Now, I don’t know anybody named Kilroy, so I just changed it around a little.
Foote: It looks to us like you had to add a few more letters.
Comey: Maybe a couple.
Foote: A couple?
Comey: So, maybe my wife and I - and my security detail – spent a little time looking for a few more seashells to add to it.
Foote: Uh, how much time?
Comey: About a day and a half. For some reason, there weren’t a lot of seashells on that part of the beach. We had to spread out and comb through the sand. My security detail was exhausted.
McKracken: Don’t you think what you spelled out with the seashells on the seashore could be construed as a threat against the President of the United States?
Comey: I don’t know how anyone could come to that conclusion. I think the Russians may have had something to do with it.
McKracken: To do with what?
Comey: I don’t know, but you know those Russians. Can I go now? I mean, it’s not like I attended a school board meeting or anything.
Foote: You weren’t that great as FBI Director, you know.
Comey: Yeah, I know. But I’m great at self-promotion. After this stunt, I’ll be booked on all the cable news shows by tomorrow. I’ll be hawking my new book like crazy. Jake Tapper can’t hold a candle to me.