Former Twitter blue check-markers form support group to help them cope
Elon Musk’s Twitter now demands those who want their blue checkmarks identifying them as big, really big, like, totally important people pay eight dollars per month to keep that verification. Some of the extremely rich and famous have lamented about the financial hardship this has put on them. Many have had to make the very difficult decision to do without the blue checkmark.
Fortunately, there is now help. Several former blue check-markers have formed a new 12-step support group to help them and others cope with their loss. Modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous, it seeks not to judge, but to provide support. Entertainer Bette Midler is very glad to see the formation of the support group.
“This has been so traumatic for me,” she said as she fought back tears. “Elon Musk, he doesn’t even know who I am. And now, others won’t even believe it’s me when I tweet. It’s so bad that I may not even believe it’s me. And eight dollars a month? Is he kidding? Who can afford that? The only way I could swing it is if I agreed to star in Hocus Pocus II. I probably would make a sequel if anybody asked, but nobody has. Honestly, nobody asks me to star in anything anymore. That’s why I need my blue checkmark. Help me. Where’s Cher? Where’s Rob Reiner? Jason Alexander? Please, please, help me.”
Actress Alyssa Milano has also suffered serious depression since Twitter began charging the monthly fee for the blue checkmark crowd.
“I have put in a call to Musk about this whole thing,” Milano said. “He won’t even talk to me. He never listens. It’s like I never existed. I’m important. I was in Charmed, for God’s sake! How does he expect any of us to go on? I think I may have STP or PTSD, or something. My life has no meaning anymore. I haven’t cried this much since Trump was elected.
It turns out it isn’t only entertainers who are having trouble dealing with the loss of the blue checkmark on their Twitter accounts. Even politicians and other government types are suffering.
Former Secretary of Labor Robert Reich said, “I loved my blue checkmark. It made me feel five feet tall! I felt like I was really somebody. Now, I’m so depressed I can barely get out of bed. Nobody in the Biden administration will even take my calls anymore. I can’t afford to pay eight dollars a month on my book royalties. Hardly anybody buys my books and virtually nobody reads them. Not even the people over at MSNBC - even those who can read.”
Reich even allowed reporters to listen to his end of a call he placed to the White House.
“Hello, this is Robert Reich,” he began. “I’d like to speak to President Biden. Reich. R-e-i-c-h. If the President isn’t available, how about Zients, Jeff Zients? He’s the Chief of…um, it’s Reich. R-e-i-c-h. Yes, I know I don’t have a blue checkmark anymore but, I mean. Will you listen? It’s not my fault. It’s Musk. He’s doing it to all of us. But…but, no, wait.”
It is sad to see how far the former blue checkmark people have fallen.
But, there is hope. The support group offers much-needed help. The group members must acknowledge they are powerless over Elon Musk, that bastard, and they despise him and every breath he takes. They also offer encouragement to others by, among other things, suggesting they try pitching a reality show idea to the E! cable channel.
“I think if we can get Dr. Phil involved, we might be able to get something going on cable,” Midler said. “Or Whoopie. Maybe even streaming.”
If the support group members are willing to work the program, many of them will once again be able to stand tall. Well, except Reich, of course.