Voluntary Human Extinction Movement to offer lifetime memberships
In a difficult economy, it can be hard for organizations that rely primarily on donations to stand above the crowd and get noticed. Such is the case of the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement. As its name suggests, it wants to eliminate humans. Some, more than others, perhaps.
Needless to say, it has the unenviable task of convincing humans that they aren’t so great, especially if they live in places like Fargo, North Dakota, or Wheeling, West Virginia. By their very nature, most humans prefer to stick around for a while.
To stand above the crowd, the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement has begun offering lifetime memberships to anyone wishing to donate to its cause.
“We are excited about this new idea of lifetime memberships to grow our members,” Voluntary Human Extinction Movement founder Les Knight said. “We offer monthly or annual installments, whatever suits your budget. For some reason, though, nobody ever pays after the first installment, especially the really dedicated members. There could be a slight flaw in our business model.”
Knight, who has lived to the very ripe, if not a little mushy age of 75, believes it’s time for people to start eliminating themselves.
“Let’s be honest, the human species is a real piece of work, if you ask me,” Knight said. “I mean, all you have to do is look at sitcoms from the 1980s to realize that we need to get rid of ourselves - and fast! A species that could produce The Brady Brides or Homeboys from Outer Space should give up and stop even trying. That’s what we advocate.”
Knight notes that not all humans should be extinct. Some need to be around a while longer, to keep things moving along.
“Not everyone should die,” he clarified. “Like me, for example. If I die, who would keep the VHEMT movement alive? Maybe alive isn’t the right word, given what we advocate. Some humans are better than others. Naturally, I’m at the top of the list. Then there’s Jennifer Aniston. That’s probably about it, though.”