News of the Week – One bite at a time edition
Nathan’s makes it “impossible” for Chestnut to compete
Joey Chestnut, 16-time hot dog eating champion, will be barred from competing in Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest this year because he signed an endorsement deal with a rival food company. As soon as Chestnut inked his deal with Impossible Foods, purveyors of some of the finest plant-based fake foods science can muster (that’s muster, not mustard), Nathan’s issued a statement barring him from this year’s competition.
“We regret that Joey Chestnut has decided not to defend his title for a few measly bucks,” Nathan’s statement read. “We wish him well with his new sponsorship, but we are moving on. Nathan’s will continue our long tradition of making fine hot dogs that people love to eat, even if they really don’t want to see how we make them. Quite honestly, we don’t either”
Impossible Food, whose motto is “We make fake foods impossible to eat,” also issued a statement.
“We are proud to have possibly the greatest eater in the history of food consumption join our team,” said the statement. “Not that what we make is food, but we think we all get the point.”
Once he realized that he could not compete this year, a distraught Chestnut could only consume 17 hot dogs for lunch.
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