As we have previously reported, despite being allocated $7.5 billion in funds to build EV charging stations around the country, the Department of Transportation has only built eight. Some in the DOT say it’s because of all of the mandated outreach activities associated with the program.
“The program requires plenty of outreach programs for underserved communities,” DOT spokesperson Les Millbrook said. “I think you can’t reach the underserved without some good neighborhood block parties, not to mention sporting events and games and contests. For example, I am chairperson of the balloon toss committee in the Midwest region. While we haven’t even come close to building our first EV charging station in the region, we’ve had a blast with the games.”
Brooke Allenton, who serves as chairperson of the Southwest division of the cookout committee, said, “We have got some great plant-based hot dogs and hamburgers for the summer activities. Whatever we have left over, we plan on using it as insulation for the lounge at the charging station that might eventually get built in a few years. That stuff has a shelf life of nuclear waste. We have confirmation that hot dog-eating champ Joey Chestnut has agreed to attend some of our events. I think we can all agree that whenever one thinks of Joey Chestnut, they think EV charging stations.”
Both Millbrook and Allenton mentioned other celebrities who may be appearing at future DOT EV block parties.
“We have verbal commitments from two of Hunter Biden’s nurses,” Millbrook stated. “One is from Latvia and the other is from Finland.”
“Uh, Les, they aren’t called nurses anymore,” Allenton chimed in. “They refer to themselves now as orgasmic engineers. They’re unionized now. We had to work through their agent who calls himself ‘Big Petey.” Big guy with a heavy accent.”
“Good to know,” Millbrook replied. “No one will be underserved anymore.”
DOT officials have acknowledged that with all of the mandatory festivities required for the construction of EV charging stations, it’s virtually impossible to actually build one.
“We may get around to it someday,” Allenton said. “But, don’t hold your breath.”
We reached out to DOT Secretary Peter Buttigieg for a comment. His spokesperson said he would get back to us once he returns from family leave in November.
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