Climate alarmists search for new angle for Earth Day 2024
Earth Day is here. Once you are done coaxing your child out from under the bed, frightened by AOC or John Kerry, be prepared for new ways climate alarmists to scare people into giving up, well, everything in the name of climate change. Most arguments don’t work anymore, so they need some new ones. They don’t have to be good, just new. Here is one such example.
Howie Finkman: It’s Earth Day. Pretty exciting. How are things going?
Wanda Slouse: Not so great. People aren’t buying climate change anymore. Even college students don’t care as long there is one Israeli still alive.
Howie: What do you mean? We’ve spent years scaring the hell out of them. What about we’re all going to die in twelve years if we don’t get to net zero by 2050? Don’t they pay attention to AOC? I do. Well, not really.
Wanda: It’s ten years now. I think she said that a couple of years ago. Then there’s the logic, it just doesn’t work. It didn’t used to matter because nobody, including us, cared about logic, but now people are starting to take notice.
Howie: But the scientists! We’ve got scientists. They are releasing studies every month about how we’re all going to die if we keep eating meat, driving cars, and having kids.
Wanda: The scientists are idiots. Their studies are garbage. They’ll say anything if it gets them another grant from somebody with a few hundred grand to throw around and an interview on Bill Nye’s podcast.
Howie: But, they’re peer-reviewed.
Wanda: The peers are idiots.
Howie: How about the media? They still love us and our cause, right?
Wanda: Sure, but everybody hates the media. Even NPR. No, especially NPR. Do you even read the news?
Howie: Not much, it kinda depresses me. Especially the climate change stuff.
Wanda: Yes, but that’s the whole point. We’ve been depressing the world with bad news about climate change for two decades and now everybody is tired of it - and of you and me.
Howie: Me? They all love me, don’t they? They used to. I can call up NPR right now and get an interview.
Wanda: You don’t want to do that. Not right now. Anyway, we need a new schtick. People aren’t scared anymore.
Howie: What about we give prizes whenever people reduce their carbon footprint? You know, give them free puppies or something.
Wanda: That’s just stupid. Think of the logistics. We should just throw them in jail.
Howie: Can we do that?
Wanda: Under this administration, probably.
Howie: I like that. You know, protecting democracy and all that.
Wanda: Since telling them we’ll die doesn’t seem to be working anymore, maybe we should tell them they won’t have any money because of climate change? I mean, everybody wants money to buy a new iPhone or pay for Netflix or alimony for their ex-wife. You know, really hit them where they live. Maybe we could say something like, “It’ll be so hot, the only people that will have money are farmers up in Manitoba.”
Howie: Do you think it could work? Where’s Manitoba?
Wanda: It’s in Canada or somewhere, probably. Doesn’t matter. Besides, we’ve got all those scientists who aren’t doing much right now, except watching Netflix and paying alimony to their ex-wives. They could use the money.
Howie: Great! I’ll call NPR, they’ll love this.
Wanda: Would you stop with the damn NPR already!
Howie: Whaaat?