Following a series of events where President Biden seemingly wandered off from the proceedings, White House aides have leaked that he will wear a tether at all future public appearances. Similar to a child tether, it will be the primary responsibility of Jill Biden to hold onto the other end, although others may be called upon from time to time to handle that duty.
At the recent G7 summit, Biden wandered away from the other leaders to visit some frogs in a small nearby pond. When asked about the situation, White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre vehemently denied the allegations.
“At no time did the President wander off to look at frogs in a small pond,” Jean-Pierre said. “That’s just more misinformation.”
However, members of the press challenged Jean-Pierre with video footage showing precisely what occurred.
“First, the pond was quite large by pond standards,” she replied. “Second, they were toads, not frogs. I have a letter from 51 former intelligence officials stating that the whole thing has all the earmarks of Russian disinformation. And they should know. The Russians have been known to use various types of amphibians in their disinformation campaigns.”
At a recent fundraiser in Los Angeles, Biden was tethered to former president Barack Obama and he dutifully followed Obama off the stage following his speech, thanks to the tether.
“We are pretty stoked we came up with this idea,” said an unnamed White House source, who spoke on condition that he wouldn’t ever have to hold on to the president’s tether. “He tends to wander off quite a bit - and not just when he’s speaking. Sometimes, during Cabinet meetings, he’ll just go to the window to watch birds or something. There was a snail in the Oval Office a couple of weeks ago – it kept him entertained for hours.”
First Lady Jill Biden would not comment. However, several long-time associates stated that she and the President have been joined at the hip for quite some time – both figuratively and literally. They recall how he used to wander off back home in Delaware to his garage and rummage through classified documents or sometimes talk to raccoons.
“This tether idea will definitely keep him from talking to raccoons,” said the source.
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