AOC channels Elaine Benes at Bronx rally
A rally was held in the Bronx over the weekend for embattled congressman Jamal Bowman. The rally featured Bernie Sanders and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who, by her own admission, is the best damned bartender in Congress. Speaking before a small crowd of mostly journalists and a family of six from Vancouver, who were merely looking for the entrance to the zoo, AOC proceeded to prance around the stage like Seinfeld’s Elaine Benes at a wedding reception.
Bowman, it must be noted, has never met a fire alarm that couldn’t be pulled, is in a tough fight to retain his congressional seat, in part because of the whole alarm-pulling escapade.
“Are you ready to see me back on Time Magazine?” AOC shouted to the crowd.
“Does she always shout like that?” asked Phil Dandelion, father of the aforementioned Vancouver family.
“Only when there are cameras and stuff,” replied a local reporter. “Otherwise, she just pours us a few drinks and whines about how nobody important takes her seriously.”
AOC then proceeded to do some sort of break dancing, you know, twirling around on her back, but she got stuck a bit and just sort of laid there for a moment. She then got up and asked the crowd if they were ready to see her on the cover of Buffalo and Bison Monthly or Ratchet and Wrench Magazine.
“It’s a great day whenever I grace the cover of a magazine,” AOC yelled. “Who doesn’t want to see more of me?”
For his part, Bowman sat quietly just off the stage wondering whose rally this was anyway.
“I think my campaign paid for the permit for this spot,” he said to the one security person who hadn’t fallen asleep. “Do you think I should say something to her?”
The security person suggested to Bowman that maybe he should escort the Vancouver family to the zoo and then call it a day.
“Do they have fire alarms at the zoo?” Bowman asked.
“I’m sure they do,” the security guard replied.